Being a Puppy Mum.

Listen. I’ve been around babies my whole life. I’ve been babysitting since I was 13. I have done the nappy changing, the bottle feeding, the sleepovers with toddlers, all sorts. In the month of December, I used to babysit every single day for various Aunties whilst they went and did the Christmas shopping. Friends of mine now have children, who I see regularly. I also work in an environment with kids 5 days a week, and have done so for nearly 3 years. With all of that said, I feel like I am at least partially qualified to make the following statement.

Now, I don’t want anyone getting angry here, so just try to stay calm. This is a safe place, where all opinions are valued. So sit comfortably, relax, and take a deep, calming breath.

Okay. Here goes.

Puppies are harder than babies.

To all the mums out there, I’m sorry. I don’t want to upset you. I admire you so much, and I think you are all heroes. Like, the real-life versions of Wonder Woman. And keep in mind, I’m not talking toddlers, or children, or teenagers. I’m talking about the newborn to 18 month old stage, just before they start walking, and waddling, and running around comfortably by themselves, and their vocabulary is limited, and they take regular(ish) naps.

Let me explain my reasoning to you.

  1. We will start with the obvious. Toilet training. With babies, you literally strap a portable toilet to them. You just can’t do that with a puppy. I know that dog nappies exist, but then I just think that how are they ever going to get the hang of toilet training? You are just dragging the process out even longer and it is the most boring thing ever.
  2. Babies get tired and take naps. Puppies don’t ever get tired. Ever. At least, mine doesn’t.
  3. Babies are allowed everywhere with you. You have slings, baby carriers, prams, buggies, little push-along bike things… Soooo many options. They are easily transportable. And no one is allowed to turn you away if you have a baby, or else they would make the news and go viral for discrimination against mums. But, try as I might, they will just not let me and my puppy into ASDA to do the weekly shop.
  4. Babies don’t chew the furniture. And even if they did, their teeth are not sharp enough to rip my divan bed to shreds (luckily, that seems to be the only thing she wants to destroy).
  5. Babies don’t embarrass you by growling at strangers for no reason.
  6. With a baby, you can sometimes get a second’s peace and quiet. You can put them down for a nap, or in their bouncer, and you might even feel comfortable leaving the room to quickly go and brush your hair or wash the dishes. I do not feel comfortable leaving my puppy alone for a second because – guaranteed! – she will find something to eat, or some new part of the bed to chew on, or something to scratch. Or, somewhere to pee. When toilet training, you need to be ready to go at all times. I tried the crate training but it just isn’t worth the constant howling.

So there you have it. My reasons why having a puppy is harder than having a newborn. And when I’m a mum, I will gladly come back here to this post and apologise if I’m wrong.

By the way, meet Minnie. She is 5 months old and my best friend. She’s a Lhasa Apso pedigree who has made my life better in every way. I don’t mean to sound like a dog-obsessed crazy lady, but we all know that I am, so why bother pretending?

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